I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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