OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
