it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
