Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
