STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
