Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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