You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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