I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
