that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
