At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
