I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I am mentally ready for anal.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
