Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
