I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
