the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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