jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
