I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I am available for nakedness
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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