Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize