mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
