Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
