So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
