You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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