But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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