Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize