when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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