I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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