you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We just shotgunned beers for America
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
