Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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