I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
