Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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