Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
