Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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