We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
