"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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