I'm so fucking centered right now
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
