I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
