You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
