my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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