he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
