U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
