It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
