i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
