He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize