The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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