Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
