Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
