some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
