Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
