On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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