you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
