dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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