Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
