Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
