There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You just made me feel so damn special
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize