It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize