Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
