Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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