okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
