He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My vagina is officially offended.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
