loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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