worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
