hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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