the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
