Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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