I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
