If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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