Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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