i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
