last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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