just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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