My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
