my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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