I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
