I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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