we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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