dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize