We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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