david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
