i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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