Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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