once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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