Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
