Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You ate ashes out of my bong
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
