The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
