Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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