I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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