fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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