There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
