dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
