I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
