as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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