Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
