I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
