Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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