It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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