I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
