She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
