my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
